Lovin the Witch

Live Laugh Love Learn.

Love is a single soul inhabiting two bodies – Aristotle.

Where there is love…..there is life – Ghandi

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu

Love is a better teacher than duty. -Albert Einstein.

Before we get any further though I do want to apologize for the first post being so late in the week. I’m still having some health issues. I haven’t had a migarine or had to go to the ER, but one of the meds they put me on caused my blood pressure to drop to 88/59 and I wasn’t feeling quite so hot for a few days. So thanks to those of you who bear with me. The good news is that my cousin in law the chiropractor may be the answer….so fingers crossed to no more health issues.

Why Love? 

Love is a major part of our lives and in the pagan universe it is at the forefront of our very being. It is the union of the God and Goddess. It is the ultimate bond within the realms of humanity. Love is all and all somehow ties into what we love.

The dictionary defines love as a noun- the warm and deep personal feeling of attachment or affection for another person or the object of one’s affection. As a verb it is defined as the act of expressing affection and desire for another person.

But what does it really mean for witches and pagans alike? We know it’s more than an emotion. It is a principal force within life. It is a part of our language due to our connection to the Goddess.

While we all know what love basically means, it is often the most misunderstood and abused of the emotions. White it is vital, it scares and sometimes confuses us. And some people cannot figure out how to love someone else because they struggle to love themselves. I feel like this is a major problem in this world and, if you’ve been reading, you’ll notice I touch on it whenever I can. A part of our path is finding that love for ourselves, accepting ourselves, so that we can embrace this honestly and openly.

As love is one of the most vital emotions, it has powerful consequences. When given openly and honestly, it can be the most intimate bond we experience. Abused and misused, it can hurt those whomever it touches. It’s like the concept of using a love spell on someone unwilling. You aren’t just hurting the person it’s cast on, you are hurting the person who wants the spell (even if it is you). You’re forcing something that may not be in your best interest.

An Example

Love is not a ploy. It’s not a tool. It should never be used as a weapon. Deceptions and deceit in the name of love only hurts everyone involved. Let me tell you a story.

When I was first exploring this path I was around 13. Probably the worst age to try to come into a new path with a clear head and logic. There just isn’t the maturity. Now for those of you out there who are that age, I’m not saying that to discourage you. I’m just saying that your path has more obstacles. You have to overcome high school, peer pressure, your past religion, family members’ concerns, and yourself. We are all our worst enemy, even more so when we are still learning who we are. Just be wary and try to take a bit more time to think things through. It might save you from a few mistakes big and small.

In fact, this a story about my own mistakes. I had a best friend who dated a boy, who then dated me. Well we were also friends with her sister and she wanted to date him next. We all told her it was a bad idea and he wasn’t interested. In our infinite wisdom (or lack of reasoning) we helped her create a spell to nudge him in her direction. Not exactly breaking the rules, but had I known what I learned from Teaching Witchcraft and my mentor, I would have said no on the spot.

But we did this and it nudged him in her direction and the next three to four years were some of the most miserable in her life. By the end of it we couldn’t be friends and even her sister was done. He ended up being abusive, she ended up using him. They both hurt each other. They just weren’t meant for each other. It was bad and in a way we all payed for it because we all had to deal with her.

As for the girl who wanted the boy, she ruined herself. She never really came back from abusing love. Even now she is in a loveless marriage with kids she doesn’t want and it’s just bad. She didn’t learn her lesson and did similar things to get her way. She didn’t learn from the mistake. This taint harms her, her husband, her children, outside family members. Heck, sometimes it still spills into my life due to my connection to her sister. This is the ripple of consequences I’ve been talking about. It doesn’t directly affect everyone I just listed, but it does bleed into their lives. Her decisions had an effect on a widening group of people.

Why does it matter?

Well, these are lessons I didn’t understand. Lessons that no book shared with me. And when I first read this section, I was 25 and basically said whatever. But now, reading and looking back into my own past with a bit more clarity, I see it. I see the harm my bad relationship decisions have made and how the bad decisions of others have affected me. I’ve seen how good intentions go way wrong with a simple lie to someone we love.

So what does love mean to a witch?

It still means companionship and care and compassion. But it gives many a different view on love than what may be socially accepted. Some of us may have a nuclear family while some of us may realize that that will never be in our best interest. My mentor was a proud lesbian even though she was nearly seventy. She had never conformed because it meant denying her love. I know others in the pagan lifestyle who love more than one person or who participate in consensual BDSM and consider it a part of the duality of their relationship.

A famous pair of BDSM presenters Dan and Dawn take this view and express it in their podcast Erotic Awakenings. It’s free on ITunes for anyone interested. The point is that they take the path that works for them, that expresses their love. And not always is that love a seuxal relationship. It can be, but doesn’t have to be. They have found love that works for them while attempting to do as little harm as possible.

Now does that mean that we have to go out and be bi or do the BDSM thing? Hell no. Some people are always going to think those things are taboo. But we also don’t judge. What works for us doesn’t work for everyone. And our feelings on those topics should be respected and honored. If a person doesn’t reciprocate our feelings we should let them be. Nor should we seek revenge for not getting our way.
Bringing it all together

Love is what most religions are designed to center around, but it gets abused more often than not. I’m sure that all of you who have been in committed or even short term relationships can think of someone you slighted or abused love with. Even if it was something small and seemingly insignificant. We all make mistakes and, hopefully, learn from those mistakes.

We all have to work to love ourselves before we love anyone else. And for a lot of people that’s hard. I get it. I hate being alone. Even I need to work on it. And in some ways I am. It may be baby steps, but they are my baby steps. Sometimes they feel like huge mountains even though they should be easy things.

We have to learn to use love with the correct intent. We have to learn to stop harming other people with the consequences of our decisions. A big part of this is self responsibility for our actions. Sometimes we need to stop and think, which is hard when strong emotions are involved, but then again, that goes back to that self responsibility.

Finally, we have to remember that all the decisions we make when it comes to love, relate to people, people we could possibly harm or better. And people are important. I feel like all too often a couple fails to communicate and they fall apart. Instead of coming together and sorting it out, instead of parting ways on good terms, they become downright cruel to one another. This isn’t the pagan way and it should be the way in which any of us deals with another human being.

Blessed Be.

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